How resilient is your child?

Helen and I attended the IAPS Annual Conference back in September, which had the usual range of keynote speakers under the banner ‘Leading Change’. However, it soon became clear that the underlying theme for the conference - and the words on everyone’s lips - were ‘mental health’. The speaker I was most looking forward to was, in fact, speaking on this very subject. I had listened to Natasha Devon several times on ‘Sky News’ and felt that she was not only knowledgeable, but also spoke with bags of common sense in what is an incredibly emotive area.

She did not disappoint at the conference and has also written widely and assertively in various media, should you care to look her up. Ms Devon points to academic pressure, body image, a lack of quality time with family and social media as a few of the many causes of the rise of mental health issues in children today.

Ms Devon talks of the importance of developing resilience in children, so that they are equipped to combat the difficult situations that will arise in their lives. However, she notes that experts disagree about how to do so: some believe it is achieved through the experience of failure, whilst others believe children should be taught coping strategies and practice applying them. She goes on to say that the following are needed for a child to become resilient:

  • “Children need caring, communicative relationships with the adults who are responsible for them.
  • They need to exist in environments that strike a balance between giving them clear boundaries and the space to think, process and play.
  • Children need to feel valued. They need to know that their voices are heard and their concerns are listened to.”

Additionally, she emphasises the importance of sport, the creative arts and PSHE in developing self-esteem and emotional intelligence.

At Westbourne House, we are clearly in agreement with Ms Devon regarding the importance of those subjects in the curriculum. We also allow the children an increasing amount of freedom as they mature, within clear boundaries. Furthermore, our pastoral approach is developed with the issue of mental health in mind. Core to this are two key elements: creating a safe, trusting environment, in which we can communicate openly with and support children, and developing children’s coping strategies. 

For my part, I feel that we have a very tricky balance to achieve as educators (and, of course, as parents) between that of managing stressful situations and recognising the value of resilience. We are all well aware that life throws up many challenges, sometimes initiated by other people, sometimes by our very selves. In my view, it will become increasingly important for children to be equipped to deal with emotionally challenging situations. Life is very unlikely to be perfect. Happier lives will be led by those who are able to rationalise and understand why they are in a certain situation and then find a way forward. If parents and teachers always deal with children’s setbacks for them, how will they develop the skills to deal with them in later life?

The holidays, of course, offer an excellent opportunity to spend quality time with family. I would draw again on the words of the Wellington College Headmaster, Julian Thomas (the last time being at Prize Giving in the Summer). He states: “Have supper together and talk as a family; go to plays and watch good films and discuss them...help them to think critically about the world around them; enjoy interesting conversations with them; go out for walks and see the world”.

Further to the above, I believe children are generally happy to talk about what is going on in their lives, particularly if they feel they are not being judged or overtly advised to do something ‘this way or that’. As parents and educators, the ability to have this kind of conversation with young people is paramount in guiding them through the increasingly complex maze of a world in which we live.

Helen and I both wish you a very happy holiday and look forward to seeing all the pupils refreshed in the New Year.

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